Seeking one's Ideal Me

As per psychologist Carl Rogers, people evaluate all experiences in reference to oneself.  People want to conduct themselves in accordance to the image they have of themselves.  But for Rogers there are two concepts of self.  There is the real-self.  And there is the Ideal-self.

We all have an image of the person we would want to be.  This notion is close to the Ideal-self.  And who you're actually are, is the Real-self.

The more the Ideal-self is close to the Real-self, the more the person experiences fulfilment, joy and happiness.  And as the opposite the more you feel that your Real-self is away from the Ideal-self, the more unhappy.

There are two deviations that can occur.  One between your Real-self and the evaluation you make of it.  For example a person is successful and respected by his/her peers but still feel a failure for some reason.  The second deviation comes from the difference between the Real-Self and the Ideal-self.

One must learn in being careful to correctly assess reality adding nor subtracting any positive of negative side of one's reality.  Fair assessment is the road to good mental health.

But what fascinates me in Rogers theory is this idea of an Ideal-Self and Real-Self.  And the discrepancy between the two.

Strategically speaking.  Sit down with a pen and a piece of paper.  And write do who is it you want to be.  The way you want to think; the kind of decisions you want to make; the kind of philosophy you want to live through.  Once this is done, look at your life right now.

Is your real-Self close to your Ideal-self?  

If not, by about how far?

What would it take to get you closer?  Write it down.

THEN DO IT!

Now if you realize that you are far enough it is not a reason to depress or something like that.  For the first time in your life you now have a map of where you are and where you want to be.  That is positive.

Some of the choices you will have to make might be painful.  That will be for you to decide.  For myself it came to realized that I was not married to the right person for me.  I on purpose decided to put the problem aside for some times because it was not the time for me to deal with it.  Until the day came in 2001, then I made my move.

Now I am not suggesting you should throw spouses, friends and family by the window.  Make a relevant assessment.  And try to correct, patch, and improve to get closer to your Ideal-Self.

This means you may have to work on some internal issues you have as well.  Everyone has his or her own journey.

But as you know, on the road of improvement and fulfilment, the journey is as important as the destination.