The frog that didn't know it was cooked.

If you put a frog in a cauldron filled with cold water.  The frog will feel nothing.  The water is as usual and everything is fine.

Then start the oven.  But very slowly.  At first the frog will feel nothing.  Then the water will start to getting warm.  Still the frog will do nothing.  Its knows warm and it can handle it.  Then after a while the water will get hot.  Still the frog feels that its a little hot but it can adapt.  Then the water will get hotter.  By then the frog will get used to the temperature and when you're hot your muscles feels relax and you don't feel like any quick move and you feel like to sleep.  If you pursue.  The frog will cook and it will never know that its getting cooked.  It will never react before its too late.

On the other side.  Take a frog and put it into already hot water and it will instantly jump out of it.

Interesting isn't it?  Because we can apply this little story to many things in our lives.  Relationships, politics, society.

For example.  Ask any couple.  No one will tell you that it started going wrong on a Friday afternoon at 2h34.  Most will tell you that they don't really know.  It started just like this.  They started to move apart, evolve apart and so on...

Another example.  If you take television for the matter.  What we watch today is way more permissive than what we were used to watch like 20 years ago.  More sex, more coarse language.   Things that would be unthinkable to show 20 years ago like same sex couples for instance.  Where did that change come from?

Getting the idea now?  Its the cooking frog syndrome.  When a change is coming very slowly.  We do not notice the change until the day we wake up and it is too late.

How do we prevent this to happen to ourselves?  Is there tools to use to make sure that we watch and notice the increment changes so we can react fast?

There is.

They are three:

- Consciousness
- Memory
- Points of reference

Consciousness

First.  You have to be and remain conscious.

You have to be conscious of what is happening around you.  And what is happening inside you.  Have you ever felt that, you didn't know why but something was wrong.  Something was odd.  You couldn't identify why but its a feeling you had.  There is good chances that this was because the water was changing, it was getting hotter.  And even if you were adapting, you felt that something was going on.

So beware.  Constant vigilance.  Its hard to do.  It is very easy to lower our guard.  But we must learn to be vigilant at all times.  Now don't turn paranoid neither.  The other extreme is no better.  Just be aware.

Memory

We all have encountered scandals in the news on situation that were going on.  And we knew that a few weeks from now, no one would remember.  Its like that.  We don't have good memory.  So we must develop our memories.  Don't let things pass by unnoticed and once they're noticed.  Remember them.  So when it comes again the alarm will set off and you will remember.

If we do not develop a good memory.  How can we compare the now to what the situation was?  And then assess for ourselves if the new situation is good for us or worst?

Points of reference

How do we make sure that our schemes of analysis are good?  And remain good?  How can we make sure that we are not passing by something that we should have considered?

We have to develop points of references.  Both internal and external.  Internal, when you feel uneasy.  You don't really know why.  This is for sure that you feel the situation is some what different from what it used to be and the new change is now optimal to you as it used to be.  Listen to yourself.  Some times the rational analysis of the outside world will give you no insight.  But you feel deep inside you that something is going on.  Listen to yourself.  And make sure to recognise and know the meaning of you internal alarms.  If you don't already start studying yourself.

You also have to develop external points of references.  Has the point of view of others have change about you?  Not that you should care but this is material.  Indications that you can use.  Learn to see yourself in the mirror of others.  Once again not because you should care what they think of you.  But they reflect an image of you that you can use as a reference and see if it fits what you want.

The different stimulus you receive from the external world.  If it changes and makes you unhappy or uneasy.  This is an indication that something is going on.  The water might be getting hotter.  Now may be its not.  May be its something else.  But at least you'll have the tools to determine this.

Finally if your emotions changes.  Learn their meaning.  Why do you feel that way?  Why did it change?  What your inner self is trying to tell you that you brilliant rational self does not understand?

Case study: Cristina

Cristina is a wonderful portuguese woman that I know and that I love dearly.

A few years ago she was cribbed with debts like most of the middle class people and she couldn`t stand her job, her boss and her husband.

She decided to get free of slavery and a miserable life by taking the bull by the horns and solve the problem by the other half of the coin compared to me.

My solution is to get out of debt fast by limiting your expenses and increasing you means of income.  So you can become free of your employer.

She did just that by getting rid of the husband and getting rid of the big house and the big payments that goes with it.  And she got rid of her job.

A little extreme but very effective.  She felt it was the right thing to do.  And she has absolutely no doubt she took the right decision.

With the sell of the house she paid the remaining loan and the other debts.  She took and apartment.  A modest one but a very cute and cozy one.  Very nice. Now every penny that comes in her hand is hers.  She only has to pay the current monthly bills like electricity and the rent.  She has an excess of income now that goes grow her safety nest and for her retirement.  She is building her freedom with every pay check.  No need to find another job or another source of income like I do.  She don`t have a debt any more. 

Next week she`s making herself a gift.  She is going on vacation for three weeks in Tunisia.

Now as I struggle to get my freedom, she is already free.  Her strategy is faster than mine.  But she had to make sacrifices along the way.  Its ok if you are prepared to make them.  She valued her freedom more than a house and material goods.

Being debt free means that she does not fear her employer anymore.  This is a very powerful weapon.  And she used it well.  She has a co-worker that was making problem to her (like I have one that is making problem to me).  Before, she would have said nothing for fear of being a trouble maker in the organization and suffer eventual consequences.  But since she is free and is absolutely scare free from her employer, she took her boss in his office and she stated the problem. When he tried to wave the problem, she told him that he either does something about it or she is leaving.

He did something.  He got rid of the other girl. And now she feels better in her job.

See what happens is I see too much people accepting too much situations that makes them uncomfortable or plainly unhappy.  But they endure and say nothing for fear of being tagged as trouble makers.  They accept the unacceptable.  They support it until they break and go on sick leave or quit their jobs.

But not Cristina.  Not anymore.  She`s free now.  And she made an oat to herself.  For now on.  She will never accept nor support the unacceptable.

And she can!  Because for now on. She has the power to just walk away!

There is a weakness

I looked closely to the curriculum of the certificate that I am making.  And I have found a loophole.

There is a weakness in the curriculum that I will exploit.  There is this course that is at the end of the process.  And I've found that by making this course, it gives me a license to do part of the job I am studying for.

If I can make an analogy to give a better understanding.

This is like saying that you want to become a mechanic.  Before you are one you cannot set foot in a garage.  You have ten courses to do to become a mechanic and its at the end of it only that you will be able to practice.  In around two years from now.  At the end of the process there is a course.  This course requires no prerequisite. This means that even if the curriculum suggests that you do that course only at the end.  There is nothing that prevents you from doing it at the beginning.  And guess what?  This course gives you the right to get into the garage and do only breaks.

So ok it is not the full fledged mechanic that you want to become just yet since you can only work on breaks.  But!  You are allowed from the very beginning (instead waiting at the end) to get into the garage and do part of the work.

This means in other terms that by doing this one course, it will give me my joker that I want to get to stop exposing myself.  And instead of getting that joker in two years, I can have it by about Christmas.

Guess what course I am going to do next?

Pfffft.... Haaaaa! Haa! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

I passed!

I passed!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!!!

I passed my exam!!!!

I got 67%.  This is not much according to my usual standards.  Not to say unacceptable.  But I'll be honest... I'll take it!

So I will not abandon the program entirely. I will slow down the pace in order to make it good. But I will continue.  For once I get the certificate.  This will be a joker that will remain in my back pocket.

My previous conclusions remains.  I am exposed now.  And this is a mid term strategy for I will take a longer term to complete it. So I need a more adequate strategy that will deal with the current situation.

So I need a short term strategy that will close the gap on my exposure.

This is like saying that you have a pipe leak in your house's bathroom and the solution you put forward is to change all pipes in the house to put copper pipes... starting in the kitchen.  Not an adequate strategy.  First you must deal with the current emergency.  Then, and only then, you can put forward a mid term strategy to make sure that the situation does not arise again.

Dah! Will you say... That is so evident.  But is it?  Some times you are caught in situations that does not permit you to see clearly.  And you have to take the best decision with the information you have.  On my case I thought I had more time.  It happens that I cannot count on it.  Thus moving from mid term strategy to close the gap short term strategy.

More on that in the coming posts.